MY HEART SKIPPED A BEAT

Four years ago fear and sadness kissed upon my heart as it became apparent that I was on the verge of being single again. There are those times in your life when you know the inevitable is upon you but your deepest desires are drawn to the things you cannot have. In my case I wanted something that I should not have.

Throughout my dating days there were many guys that showed great interest but the feelings were never returned. In reflecting on my past I can clearly state that I was good at passing up quality for quantity, which was evident in the negative choices that I made. My thirst for companionship was readily quenched by good looks, slick words and a nice car. They won me over many times. Four years ago, Jay was the lucky charmer and I was the good girl wanna be gone bad with the fierce Mohawk and Jesus in my heart. Jays lifestyle appealed to me, but I still played it safe, after all, I was a Christian. Many of Jay's actions were inconsistent with the loving words he would whisper to me. I never met his friends, didn't know his family, could not get through to him on his cell phone at certain times of the day. You would think that was enough for me to call it quits. The periods of sadness that he caused were easily forgotten when he whispered sweet nothings into my ear.

I know this statement is cliche but as women we need to fall in love with ourselves. And by falling in love with ourselves I do not mean pampering yourself. But loving yourself is a deeper inward inspection of who you are. What are the belief systems that you have, what are the things that bring you joy? Also of equal importance are what are the things that make you unhappy or mad? Knowing these things on a very intimate level will allow you to set a certain standard, your personal code of ethic. Men do it to us all the time. They are very much in touch with what they do and do not want and they usually make it very clear to us, but often times we are overcome by the fear of being alone, that we fall in love with the perception of who we want him to be. For example, Jay's behavior was a far stretch from what I would have wanted, but I settled with the hope that he is sometimes good and could potentially change.

Live up to your personal code of ethics. If you fail to do this, you are guaranteeing yourself unhappiness. So often we as women have a list of things that we say are "must haves" in the person that we are looking for, but "Mr. Smooth," always wins us over. Why is that so? We do not respect our ethical code and choose to become blind when the opposite of what we are looking for steps through the door. Knowing yourself intimately allows us to know when we have found a great guy who is a keeper. Sometimes it is important to make a list and have them in ranking order from most to least important. For example, if level of education is very important to you, do not choose someone who lacks this quality because he has another quality that you like. Eventually his level of education will become a distraction and will hinder the growth of your relationship.

So many times we find ourselves in relations with people who are a far cry from what we really want. It is true that we sometimes have very unrealistic expectations that we are bringing along with us from childhood. These can prevent us from recognizing when the right person comes our way. However, if we embark on the journey to knowing ourselves on a more intimate level, reevaluate our belief system, set and stand by our standards, we will be on the path to finding the person who is truly meant to be our soul mate.

One Love

Danni