There is a Jamaican saying, "show me your company and I will tell you who you are". Our friends are a reflection of us, that is because we choose to be around and tend to get along with people who are similar to us in personality and mindset. Have you really sat and evaluated the people in your life that you call friends, have you really thought about how you go selecting your friends, what personality they must have, what are they bringing to your life? No one enters our lives without leaving an impression on us, that being the case we ought to become very selective of the people who we allow into our lives.
As children we formed friendships with the girl or the boy who sat next to us in class or shared their candy or banana chips with us. The older we become and the more we grow into self our friendship criteria should reflect that change. Therefore if you are carrying with you friends who do not aid in your growth, guess what, they got to go. That does not mean that you are going to suddenly stop talking to them, but it does mean that you begin limiting contact with that or those people because they are not adding value to your life.
What do I look for when I decide to choose someone to be my friend.
Someone who 1.Fuels my positive energy - this is so very important to me, I am the type of person who feeds from peoples energy therefore someone who is negative can easily depress me. That does not mean that you should not be there for your friends whenever they are going through a hard time, its always good to be the friend who listens.
Someone who 2.Renews my spirit. Its is so good to have that person who I can go to whenever I'm feeling down and sad. We all have those moments it is good to have that friend who always knows what to say, when to say it, how to say it and lightens the mood.
Someone who is 3. Intelligent and gives intelligent advise. Need I say more?
Someone who is 4. Energetic and energizes me. I tend to pick friends who are very lively in personality. I enjoy being around happy people. Not everybody is happy, unhappy people seek to make disciples of themselves.
Someone who is a 5. No nonsense person. I find that my friends who are energetic are also very blunt when it comes to knocking sense into my head. As you begin growing into self you find that you have a very low tolerance for foolishness. Friends who are no nonsense will not bring nonsense to you and will allow you to see when you are bringing nonsense to them.
Someone who 6. Diligently seeks spiritual guidance. I enjoy being in the company of people who are spiritually plugged in, they know how to guide you to God, they have the right scripture at their finger tips, they give God centered advise.
Are your friends fueling your positive energy, renewing your spirit, intelligent and gives such advise, no nonsense people who are diligently seeking spiritual guidance? If not then you need to thoroughly evaluate your friends and friendships. Are you that type of friend? If not then you need to dedicate time to changing those habits that are preventing you and your friends from growing.
You are magnificent.
One Love
Danni
Hey Danni,
ReplyDeleteYou make friendship sound so artificial and one dimensional. Friendship in my opinion should be thought of like chemistry, the chemistry has to be there, the conditions have to be right, shared experiences; good or bad. Much of these things we really don't have much control over. So forming friendships is a really dynamic, naturally selective and for the most part unpredictable process.
You are so right Foster....
ReplyDeleteCircumstances that bring us together may be uncontrollable, but we CHOOSE (or not) to remain in relationships on the basis of our personal preferences.
ReplyDeleteI find no tension between the above (emphasing personal preferences) and the idea that "much of these things [re initial connection] we really don't have much control over."
Great post, Dani. :-)
Thats why Im your bff. Everything you wrote embodies me, huh. LOL. I bet you were thinking solely of me when writing this magnificent post. LOL. Love u.
ReplyDeleteFossy and Damion, you have either mis-read, mis-understood, or are mis-led. What Dee writes is extremely solid. There is no Natural Selection process in friendships. Natural Selection is all genetics. Friendship is all choice. Is chemistry important in friendships? Absolutely! But is it as key as what Dee described above? Not at all. I know people I can hang with, we have great chemistry, but they cant be my friends. I wouldnt allow them into my family's life or allow them to have any influence on my daughter. Chemistry is nice and exciting, but very misleading. Its important that we actively and consciously choose our friends and they need to possess the characteristics Dee described above.
She's absolutely right when she says show me your company and I will tell you who you are. The successful will not hesitate to tell you that the 3 most important factors in your personal development and success are: 1. the choices you make. 2. the books you read. 3. the people you hang around.
Food for thought.
Jesus hung with publicans and sinners, poor fellow probably didnt have any ambition else he would have been hanging with the scribes and pharisees. If people help you to get to where you wanna be, then by all means make them your friend. I guess that one is a no brainer; I totally mis-read, mi-sunderstood or probably was just mis-led ... hmmm I think we just have different ideas on the subject, thats all. Cheers! Fossy.
ReplyDelete1. I agree to some extent with what you have written. However, I believe in accepting people as they are. Not everyone you meet is going to be your "best friend" and need not be held to such a rigid standard. There are different levels of friendships, the differences that people have make friendships unique and doesn't necessarily prevent growth. As a matter of fact growth is very important however, it can also be limited if you only surround yourself with people who are similar like you.
ReplyDelete2. The characteristics that you look for in a friendship need not be the same characteristics that others need their friendships to possess.
3. I agree with Foster when he says that chemistry is important because dynamics are also involved in friendships. Personalities vary and so do characteristics. Morals, values, Respect etc. also play key roles in friendships.
Dear Danni,
ReplyDeleteThere is much truth to the adage “show me your company and I will tell you who you are;” but like most proverb the fallacy in them is seldom exploited. For by whose standards do we keep our company and who should be our arbiter in matters concerning the company we kept. Our society might see it suiting to define a person by the company they keep; but it’s up to us to decide the merit of the company we kept. I happen to have friend from different spectrum of society, some who will never be part of the status quo, and other who blend in perfectly; so whereas I share your belief that friend do reflect some of our traits and personalities. I have to dismiss your rhetoric that alienate those of us; who are either not smart enough, or will never reach up to your standards. Unequivocally, the question should be; what qualify a person or disqualify them from being our friend, and do we hold all our friends in the same esteem.
Ironically, Danni and I met in class; and while we didn’t bond over banana chips, I knew we have something more than just a fierce competitiveness. Over the years our relationship have blossom into a bond of mutual respect, admiration and love. Simply put; Danni has elevated into that circle of friends that I called family; and one does not divorce or abundant their family; whether they are the scum of the earth or the CEO of a Fortune 500 Company. Because it is not always about the impression people left on us, but the impression we can make on them.
Unfortunately, there is no, How to Make Friends for Dummies manual on the market; as there is no wrong or right method to it. What it comes down to is our own innate ability of building relationship; those build on solid foundation with last, other may be too weak to survive. Personally, I believe friendship is about camaraderie, kindredship, empathy or love, trust and having a strong moral adeptness. It should never be relegated to an orgasmic high or positive vibration as I’m getting from your post; those are rather the perks of friendship at its best. A person who brings out the best in us is a good friend; a great one appreciates and loves us for who we are.
Shane