My Struggle With Fear....

I am a work in progress. There are times when I feel as if I am alone with my problems and struggles. Through my blogs and the response that I have been getting from people I am realizing that I am not alone in the way I think, the problems I go through, the issues I am faced with. As humans we are all faced with similar circumstances the difference is how we process and handle the problems we encounter. We all have a destiny, a specific path that we will go on, but few of us are on that path by choice, most of us are simply going with the flow of things.

Fear as defined by the Oxford Dictionary is panic or distress caused by the exposure to danger or expectation of pain. There is positive use of fear for example fight and flight when in danger and then there is negative fear such as fear of something or someone who is relatively harmless. I have a lot of negative fear. It is important that one takes an inward look at self to determine if your fear is preventing you from being happy with self.

I have the fear of saying no to people. I often times feel that I need to overextend myself and live up to peoples expectations. I realized that if a friend asked me to do a favor for them, even though performing that task would take me out of my comfort zone, I would still do it as a favor to not seem like the bad guy. Another problem I faced was I had a hard time telling people how I really felt about something they did or said to me. I would instead keep it in, maybe stop talking to them or turn a blind eye to it. The choice of not being truthful about how I really felt only made me feel more and more powerless. I never spoke with authority to anyone, just being open and honest about how someone made me feel took an extra ounce of energy that sometimes took hours to muster up.

So I am finally taking my strength back. I am finally walking away from being the person in the back seat and stepping and confronting my fear of people. A part of aligning yourself with God is knowing and believing that He has your back no matter what. So why am I fearful to say to someone, listen, I do not appreciate the way you speak to me and no because I am not allowing myself to being used anymore.

Being used can come from many different angles. Your family can use you, especially if you are the major bread winner in your household. Do not be the type of person who bottles it all in and suddenly explode, making people wonder where that burst of anger came from. Instead be very vocal about your feelings and it will amaze you that people will not take it personally, they will instead respect you for it.

I will not allow my fear to hold me back any longer.

Live your dreams and be extraordinary.

One Love

Danni

He Inspired Me....

I usually blog by inspiration. I must say that this summer has been my best summer yet since living in NYC. I did my share of hanging out, barbecues, pool parties and amusement parks.

In the midst of everything I met someone this summer. Someone who peaked my interest, touched my heart, added a little bit of island spice and inspired me to think twice before passing a homeless person by.

IT IS TO YOU THAT I WRITE.....

We pass them by so leisurely, that we do not hear their cries or see their stares,

The thundering train passes them by, and no one seems to care,

Among the city lights so bright they try to find peace and rest,

A New York City dilemma indeed and no one could care less,

The cry that tunnels through the subways, city parks and benches

It is lost among the party goers, movie watchers, ladies in beautiful dresses,

Can this be the American dream we prayed for; worked so hard to attain,

Is this the reality of someone born in this land of fame?

I dare not say, I will not think: that this is really true,

That in a city that's so rich there are so many in the "unfortunate few",

I caught a glimpse of someone laying desperately on a cardboard box,

"I wish people would understand," he said, "but their hearts are as hard as rocks".

He told me of his distant past and how he used to live

A wife, a job, a house, a car and money to spend and give,

"But homelessness" he said to me "can come upon you so fast",

And the things you thought you worked hard for are now things of the past,

So when you see them begging or sleeping on the city streets

Remember that it could be you, though life now seems so sweet,

If a dollar you cannot give, just whisper a sincere prayer,

Take the time to think of them and allow your heart to stir.

Dear Friend of Mine,

You inspire me...

One Love

Dan

FINDING SELF

This morning I woke up and realized that I am not good at sales, I hate trying to talk people into buying the products that I am selling and I am sorry that I got involved in this whole sales business in the first place. What continues to make me hold on is the idea that someone else has done it and is successful at it, why can't I do it as well. Its as simple as this, the dream belongs to someone else, not me. Let it go Danielle, give it up. You will be a success at doing what you love best.

I think most females grow up with a flawed perception of self. Often times it stems from us comparing ourselves to others and creating these ideas of who we are supposed to be, how we are supposed to act and live our lives.

I am sure that we have been told many times that we should never compare ourselves, and more or likely we repeat this to ourselves as well. However getting out of this habit is not as easy and as simple as saying it. Most times we do not even realize that us comparing ourselves is the core of our attitude, action and negative self talk.

How did I get to the point where I am constantly comparing myself? Hmmmm...... well I do remember at an early age being compared to other children my age, there was the ten year who was an avid reader and no doubt I was not; to the teenager who was very mature and dignified in her behavior. I was never up to the standard that I believed was set for me and I grew up feeling a little disappointed that I never quite measured up and I wanted to so badly.

Who Am I?

Who Am I?

Who Am I?

Is a question I think we should all ask ourselves over and over and try to be as true to ourselves as we possibly can be. It is very possible to lie to ourselves, and it is very likely that the dreams that we have are not our own but reflections of our parents and other peoples' desires. I think of my own drive to have a PhD and this has been a dream of mine ever since I have been in undergrad, now that I think about it, I wonder, do I really want this or am I thinking about what will make others see me in a different light and my parents extremely happy. Do not get me wrong, my parents are extremely proud of me and could not be happier with what I have accomplished so far in my life. However, there is always that nagging feeling that I should excel more academically.

I grew into self and I am continuing to grow into self. I now know that the love my parents have for me is unconditional and even if it was not, I am my own individual so I have to do what makes me happy. I also think because we have so may perceptions and ideas in our head, we are not always clear on what will bring us joy. I had to learn how to allow myself to be me and to love and accept that. When I decided to comfortably remove my shell not just for my closest friends to see but everyone, it was amazing how people loved me for me. I am not saying that you being comfortable with self should be based on people's opinion of you, but for me it was a wake up call that hey I can be me and me is way cooler.

In the bible it tells us that we are uniquely made that means that we are our own individuals and not someone else. It is important for us to realize that our path is going to be very different from that of someone else. We cannot expect that our girlfriends success is going to be or should be ours as well. Each individual is born with a God given talent which should be recognized and utilized. I firmly believe that as children of God we are exactly where we are supposed to be and our current situation should be used as a learning tool to move forward. We all make mistakes in our lives, but we should use these mistakes to grow and be molded into character. Never should we allow ourselves to regret the past so much that it hinders us from moving forward. That being said, why are we using other peoples lives to evaluate our own? Why do we constantly bombard ourselves with dreams that are not our own?

How do we break free is a question that I am still working on finding out, I wish I had all the answers but I write as I learn and grow. Being clear on who we are is the first step. Take some time and determine who you are in the eyes of you and not someone else. Make a list of your dreams and be very clear about why these are your dreams. Is there a childhood idea of who you were or are supposed to be that is at the core of this dream? Negative self talk come in many different forms and sometimes it comes in the way we dream but we do not realize it because we believe we are simply being ambitious.

What is your idea of success? If you could wake up tomorrow and be successful, how would you define that, what would it look like. Well for most of us, success means being highly educated and being paid a lot of money for it. But is this really what your reality should be? Will this make you truly happy? Honestly think about this question and take some time to ponder it before answering it.

You have to find a way to let go of the perceptions of who you are and should be and move forward with confidence with who you truly are and who you genuinely want to be in life. Become more aware of your feelings, your surroundings but most importantly be very very aware of your thoughts.

Psalm 139:14 states, "I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

One Love

Dan

He Did it Again...

Today he pushed me and I told myself, he won't do it again.

Today he hit me but he apologized so I know he won't do it again.

Today he spoke down to me but thats not that bad, I was wrong anyway.

Today he kicked me so today was just a regular day.

Tomorrow he will change is what I often say.

Please change him Lord is the prayer I often pray.

Today I thought of moving out, but instead I decided to stay.

Today he murdered me now cold in clay I lay...

By Danni Dee

lets stop abuse now.......

One Love

Resolutions- you made them, did you break them?

If you happen to live in NYC then you can testify to the beautiful summer weather that we have been receiving. It's time to bring out the barbecue grill and have a great time a time for drop tops, long hot summer nights and summer love.

I love the summer, thats partly due to the fact that I am from a tropical island. As this hemisphere inches closer to the sun I can't help but wonder if we are indeed keeping our new years resolutions. This time of the year for me is a time for reflection. What were the goals that I gave myself at the beginning of the year? Are my daily activities in alignment with my long term and my short term goals?

I too subscribe to the school of thought that if you want something badly enough then you will eventually get it, because you will work hard enough to attain it. I believe the real question is "what do I want and do I really want it badly?" For example, when I lived back in the Caribbean my dream was to be educated in the US, there was nothing that was going to stop me from accomplishing my dream and I did it. As I grew older and got closer to seeing my dream materialize, my confidence began to wane, I became more complacent.

Becoming extraordinary is an art, but it does not come easily. People who are extraordinary are people who are driven, they are confident and they work at their goals in a very aggressive way. People who accomplish their goals, plan the steps needed to be taken to get there. Then their actions reflect their goals. Do not sit, say you want something and not move towards it. You have to move in order to get what you want. Movement is a key component in keeping us alive.

Prioritize, you have to make your goals a priority in your life. You live it daily, you work towards it you put away anything that will thwart you from accomplishing it. One thing that I have noticed is that some people do not set goals. They are uncomfortable and unhappy in their present situation, and often times complain about it, but they are not clear about why they are unhappy so they are not clear about the goals that they want to set and they have nothing to work towards. I do believe that if your purpose is not clear, then you will not know what route to take to get there.

Clean out your physical space. I honestly do not know how some people do it, but it is almost impossible for me to function in clutter. I become so flustered when there is too much going on around me. After cleaning out your physical space you will see the change in how much better you are able to function. Clean out your mental space. I cannot overemphasize how important it is to limit your conversations with people who cannot uplift you. Those negative friends of yours, get rid of them. Surround yourself with positive people, writings, DVDs. In other words, feed yourself.

Get information. So you want to accomplish this dream but you are not sure how you can get to that point. If you know someone who did it, ask them what were the steps they took to get there. The internet is readily available to everyone, research, do your home work. You cannot move forward if you do not have the proper information.

Make a list, get in the habit of writing, write your goals and have them in a place where they are visible. This makes reflection and evaluation that much easier.

Listen. Living in a big city like NYC our thoughts are drowned out by constant noise. Many of us speak but do we really take the time to listen to ourselves. We have ipods that blast music in our ears, but do we really take the time to listen to what our bodies are telling us? Find a quiet place where you can sit and reflect and listen, you will be surprised what God wants to tell you.

Feed yourself. I briefly touched on that earlier but are you really feeding yourself the right things? First take a good look at what is on your ipod. You know you listen to it every single day... Are the songs and the movies uplifting? When you go home and you watch reality TV and daydream about these people's reality, is this helping you to be one step closer to shaping your own reality?

There is no one who is not able to live their dream, fear is what often times hold us back from being magnificent. Get up, stand up and go be magnificent....

One Love

Dan

The Recipe to Die For

Last week I was saddened by the sudden passing of my next door neighbor. He was only 29 years old and died from complications due to diabetes. What made his passing even worse was that he left behind a wife and an unborn child. One cannot imagine what she is going through right now, unless you have experienced it, its unfathomable pain.

Amid the sadness of the loss of another young life, the public health professional in me could not help thinking about the prevalence and incidence of diabetes cases in the minority communities. It is not hard to notice the lack of health food stores, fruit and vegetable stands in our communities. It is also not uncommon to see a new fast food restaurant opening its doors to serve those that are of low income and minorities. Is it really my problem that many young people suffer from diet related illnesses like obesity and diabetes? Should I really be concerned that many people are dying from heart attack and stroke and the age of those dying from heart related illnesses are getting younger in the African American community? Or should I just turn a blind eye to the fact that most people take the escalator instead of the stairs? I cannot turn a blind eye, I refuse to not say something and ultimately do something about it.

You are what you eat. Many of us have heard that said many times, but we fall victims to the appetite. Listen, I absolutely love to cook, would whip up some ackee and saltfish in a minute (Jamaican food), but being raised by parents who were very health conscious, I learnt from very early to set boundaries with food and that diet and exercise were very important. So where do we go from here? I think it is time for us to become more aware of what we are feeding as fuel to our bodies. Our bodies are our responsibilities and the trends that are common among the poor and minorities can be stopped but it takes each individual becoming more conscious of our bodies, what is healthy and what is not. So many times, fast food chains become our dinner tables and our only serving of vegetables for the day came from the broccoli and chicken at the Chinese restaurant around the corner. If you happen to live in an Urban neighborhood like NYC you know exactly what I mean. It is time to make our health our priority, it is time to begin eating right, getting the sufficient amount of water needed and making exercise our priority. I think many of us missed the mark when we decided to loose weight just to look slimmer or skinny. The issue is not about being skinny, its about being healthy. Do not focus on one illness, do not try to avoid getting a stroke or diabetes or lowering our cholesterol, all these things will fall in place if we decide to take care of our bodies. Living a holistic lifestyle will reflect not only in our physical appearance but also improves our mental health and will ultimately lead to a healthier happier you.

So before you fry that chicken in oil, that will only lead to clogging your arteries, and severe acne breakouts, try placing it in the oven. Before you spend $20 on one meal at a fast food joint, why not bake some potatoes, steam some veggies and bake some fish, easy fixes and way more healthy.

I hope I am reaching someone, I cannot sit here and watch my friends, loved ones, neighbors die from diet related diseases. My own cousin died from colon cancer and was severely obese. I cannot emphasize this more. Begin taking responsibility for the lifestyle choices that you make. Think twice before eating that bacon egg and cheese on a roll, or those fries. Think twice before we feed it to our children and then stand over their graves, think twice about that coffee that you are addicted to, think twice about those toasted bagel with creamed cheese or butter. Think twice before walking pass that water cooler, think twice before drinking that soda think twice before taking the elevator or escalator. Thinking twice will prolong your life.

One Love Always

Danni

Im Happy

Today I wanted to write to wish all my followers and supporters a happy new year. I know many people made resolutions this year, hopefully the good ones will be kept. To be honest I am not a resolution person so none of that for me. But there are a few things that I have been working on that I hope will get better this year. This year I hope to get even closer to God. I am seeing how He has been working wonders in my life, it is truly amazing. The more I think about it the more I am in awe of it and the more I want to share it with others. Please hit me up and tell me about your resolutions and how you intend to stay on track.

Before I leave I want to encourage you to never give up on your dreams, to stay positive and eliminate those who take pleasure in dragging you down. Encourage positive attitudes and behaviors in your life and allow your positive personality to glow from you. Recite this every morning " I can, I will, I won't take no for an answer" and believe that with all your heart. Eliminate idle chatter and negative thoughts from your life; focus, remembering always that your dreams are a WORK HARD away. Every individual has the ability to do amazing things, but first you have to realize the God given talents that you have, and you have to embrace them. Believing in self and knowing your self worth is of utmost importance in self growth. More than anything RELAX, GODS IN CHARGE. He is the creator, if you allow Him, He will never lead you astray because He knows whats best.

Please leave me a response even if its short so I know you were here

One Love Always

Danni